Everything
by SassyAngel05
Summary: Lindsey thought self-preservation was everything. He was wrong. No real pairing. Set during Not Fade Away


Author: Sassy

Title: Everything

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Joss owns it.  Not me.

Pairing: None, really.

Summary: Set during Not Fade Away.  I was so shocked by Lorne killing Lindsey, that I wrote this drabble to stop the nagging my muse was doing.  Lindsey contemplates his reasoning for help, self-preservation, and trust.

**_Everything_**

_No there is no escape_

_Only flailing arms and belly aches_

_            -Phantom Planet "Big Brat"_

            Lindsey McDonald stood at the sink in the demons' quarters.  He had so much gooey, sticky blood on his hands.  It was an odd emerald shade that almost glittered in the lamplight.  The water only made it stickier.  He continued to scrub, but he wasn't anxious about the blood on his hands.  He actually felt exhilarated.  He didn't understand the feeling, but he didn't mind it.  He enjoyed the vibe he was feeling.  Lindsey had never really cared which side of the fight he was on, as long as he came out on the right side.  Self-preservation was everything.  But, for once, he was on the side of good with the chances that he might not survive, instead of preserving himself.  And that made the fight more appealing and left this interesting after affect in his body.  Plus, he was trusting his known enemy, making it every bit more dangerous.  Lindsey wondered for a moment why he had chosen to help Angel.  Maybe because he owed Angel for getting him out of the heart-stealing-hell-dimension holding cell.  No.  That wasn't it.  Angel and company had been the reason he'd been sent there in the first place.  Maybe he had done it because of the prophecy.  He had read and studied the Shanshu.  He knew who would probably win this battle.  Maybe he'd done it for Eve.  Wolfram and Hart had taken Eve's immortality because she loved and trusted him.  Maybe trust was everything.  Maybe he wanted to spite the Senior Partners.  Maybe he wanted to show them what happened when they crossed Lindsey McDonald.  It didn't really matter why he had done it.  He just had.  He'd slayed a group of demons and he had enjoyed it.

            Lindsey turned to the anagogic demon, Lorne, wiping his hands with a towel. Lindsey had hoped to wipe the blood off since the water didn't seem to be doing any good.  Lorne stood in the center of the room, looking disgustedly at the bodies.  Lorne hadn't really been a big help, but he had felt like he was a part of the big battle.  Lindsey supposed that was why Angel had sent Lorne with him.  Lorne had probably ended up helping just to repay the Fang Gang for deserting them after this battle.  Honestly, Lindsey didn't care why Lorne had helped.  Lindsey turned and smiled, feeling refreshed.  Most of the sticky goo had come of his hands and now all he had to do was return to the Hyperion alley.  He inquired about Lorne leaving out of politeness.  He did sort of want to know why Lorne was deserting his friends; he wanted to satisfy his curiosity.  Before Lindsey had a chance to talk to Lorne, he had a handgun drawn and it was leveled at Lindsey.  The entire situation seemed suddenly surreal.  Lindsey panicked as the realization of what was happening hit him.  Had this been a trick?  Had Angel set him up?  It certainly looked like it.  Lindsey had discovered the real reason Angel had sent Lorne with him.  Not to make Lorne feel like he was part of the battle, but to kill him.  Lindsey was suddenly begging for his life and he hated himself for it.  Two shots were fired before Lindsey could move.  He felt like he was having an out-of-body experience.  He felt like he was watching everything happen and he was powerless to stop it.  Lindsey fell back in shock and pain.  The pacifist, good-natured green horned demon had been his murderer.  Lindsey had always figured his last fight would be with Angel.  A good hoorah before he faded from the Earth.  He'd never pictured death by a singing demon.  Lorne stood over him grimly, not seeming to enjoy his death, but not willing to stop it.  Lindsey took one last breath as his head hit the wall.  The final betrayal of the souled vampire hit him as regret overcame him.  Eve will have nothing now after everything she'd given up.  Neither would he, not even his life.  He'd trusted the wrong person and he was paying the price.  Death.  Self-preservation no longer mattered.  Self-preservation hadn't betrayed him.  Trust had.  Yes.  Trust was everything.

_I guess that we all make mistakes._

_I guess I forgave you, didn't I?_

_            -Phantom Planet "Big Brat"_


End file.
